let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Send help, water and tortillas.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
