Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
