i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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