Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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