did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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