Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
