I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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