I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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