His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
