$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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