Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Houston, we have a blender
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
