I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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