watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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