VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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