Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
