Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
