I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i believe in u and ur pee
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
