and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
