i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Boobs speak an international language.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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