dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
