You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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