I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
