so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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