So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
