and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
