He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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