Plan B is the new Plan A
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
