The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
