Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
