No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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