Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
