its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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