You're so nebulous sometimes
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
