we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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