dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
