Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
