Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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