just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I am spending my child support on dildos
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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