every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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