'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
