i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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