You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize