I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
