please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
