this beer tastes like vomit already
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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