My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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