her vagina looked like bernie madoff
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
