you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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