Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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