how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
