Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
