Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
