I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Michael Bay diarrhea
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
