I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
