In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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