go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
