Porn is love you can see.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
