i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dicks are not precious.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
