Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
