Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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