The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
what day is it and did you see me today?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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