I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
