Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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