She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i drank out of a bidet.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
