if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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