I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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