Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
