the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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