I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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