The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She's not a foreskin expert like you
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
